Wedding planning is stressful. Period. But imagine having to manage outbursts from your bridesmaids, cousins, uncles, aunties, your other half and – your mum! Your mum is generally your pillar of strength, your go to person and guide when it comes to weddings as not only does she know you better than anyone else, but she’s already gone through the whole wedding process herself and will be able to give you some useful advice. However, we’re not going to lie, there are certain instances during wedding planning where the relationship between a mother and daughter and/or son can go a little sour.
So if you’re facing a few battles with your very own mother, then here’s a little bit of advice that will hopefully help you get back on track.
1. Be clear from the start
This means you need to talk to your mum from the word go and make sure you’re on the same page about your wedding. Discuss your ideas and listen to hers to determine what you want before you start talking to suppliers. That way there’s no added tension during these meetings.
2. Be reasonable
If you’re mum (or parents) are contributing towards the wedding then it’s only normal that they may want to have a say in the way things are done – so be prepared for this. If you don’t want her to be involved with every aspect of the day then let her choose to contribute towards one specific area and make the major decisions regarding that. For example catering, entertainment or decor.
3. Give her a specific role
Even if your mum isn’t contributing towards your wedding financially, chances are she’ll still want to have a say. The more you push her away the more determined she’ll be to get involved and this could end up hindering your wedding planning. Think about what matters to you the most and what you might be willing to compromise on. If you’re not so fussed about your table centres or your florals then let her take complete reign of this and show her that you are happy to take her opinions on board.
One of the biggest reasons people fall out is due to a lack of communication. No one is a mind reader so you need to make sure that you keep your mum in the loop about your feelings. If she’s beginning to annoy you or making your wedding planning experience miserable then you need to tell her. She may not even realise how it’s making you feel and will probably decide to take a step back. After all, she only wants you to be happy and have the very best for your big day.
5. Give her some TLC
As much as your mum wants to see you get married it’s also difficult for her to comprehend as she knows she’s soon going to have to share you with not just one other person, but a whole other family. This can lead to her feeling both sad and anxious, meaning she could end up snapping when she doesn’t really mean to. If she starts behaving unlike her usual self then why not show her that she’s still the number one lady in your life. Take her out for some afternoon tea or to the theatre and spend some quality time together.
6. Have some fun
Wedding planning is hard. There are a lot of important decisions that need to be made that really aren’t very fun at all. With so much paperwork to get through and deposits to pay it’s not unusual for mothers to nag a little from time to time to make sure everything is getting done. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed with it all then take some time out with your mum to do some of the fun things too. Dress shopping and cake tasting are two of the most exciting tasks, so take a break from the full on stuff and enjoy a much needed rest.
7. Hire external help
The best way to avoid clashing at every instance is to hire an outsider who can give you both a different perspective. A wedding planner will not be biased towards either of you and will simply give you professional advice which will enhance your day. He or she will often also act as a mediator between different family members to ensure everyone feels heard and looked after, whilst taking the brides wishes into consideration.
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